Standup act

Andy: So let me ask you a question then. Do you think there’s a difference between how society sees you as somebody who acquired HIV through sex versus somebody who might have had it since birth?

Daniel: I think from my experience as a Latino man, there’s a shock—What do you mean? HIV is a White man’s thing. Especially Latino people, they think HIV is something that happens to White gay men. But then I add that I’m gay, and they’re like, Of course you would have it.

Andy: It’s funny that you say that because I’m a heterosexual man. And because I’m a Black heterosexual man, when I tell people that, yes, I am a straight Black man living with HIV, a lot of people are like, He must be DL [on the down low]. No, I just told you I’m a heterosexual man. What are you talking about?

I’m like, Where is my representation? And I say that very humbly, saying ‘my representation,’ meaning other straight Black men who were born HIV-positive. Where’s our representation? I’ve seen so many magazines, so many social media posts, and it’s never us. There’s never any straight man. I didn’t speak about my HIV until I was 24 years old, seven years ago. That was because I didn’t see anybody that looked like me. And finally, I was like, Alright, well, I guess I gotta be the damn voice because we’re not being seen.

Daniel: There’s this concept of if there’s not a seat at the table for me, I’m gonna make my own damn table. We do get invited to conversations sometimes, but sometimes I’m the token Latino. I’m in a sea of white and I’m the only person of any color. And anything that has to do with Spanish, everybody looks to me and asks, Okay, how do we reach out? And then I’m like, Oh, this is why you need me here, because, I’m the diversity.

Six years ago, I was part of an HIV awareness campaign that kind of pushed me to the forefront. They said, We want you to be this representation. It was like being in a boy band—this is your part, this is what you’re gonna say. And you learn your lines, you learn them well, you do your best, but then you come out of that and go, Wait a minute, I know other stuff. I know how to do other things. So I started to create my own spaces. I’m proud of you for doing that, too. I’m not gonna say I’m a fan, because then it’s gonna go to your head.

Andy: I already got a big head. This hat is XXL, by the way.

Daniel: What would you like young people to learn from you?

Andy: That you can get HIV in more ways than just sex. Nobody says HIV anymore. A lot of people think that it can’t happen to them, or they’re like, I’m in a monogamous relationship. And it’s like, No, you should still be getting tested, you should still know your status. And let’s have conversations. Let’s create dialogues with our partners, with our doctors, with our friends, our family, our kids, so that we can protect each other.

Daniel: How does the conversation come up for you when you’re seeing someone?

Andy: A lot of people will be like, Oh, I wait until we get really close or, I’ll wait a few months. If I think that I’m gonna see a future with you, before I enter the bedroom or whatever, I want to tell you some stuff about me so that we can have a conversation as adults to protect each other.

Daniel: I’m so glad you said that. Because these are adult conversations. I always thought that if there’s something physical, mental or spiritual going on with me, I want to tell you about it. And you need to know it right before we order dessert, because I don’t like to share dessert with just anyone. If I’m gonna share dessert with you, I need you to know what’s going on with me.

Andy: I always do tell people that when it comes to dating and disclosing, I’m not gonna let someone make me love myself less just because they don’t want to deal with my HIV. Girl, there’s the door. Because if you can’t deal with my HIV, that means you don’t care for me, because that’s just a small part that I already have under control.

My girlfriend and I met on a Christian dating site, Christian Mingle. We were talking for a minute and then I passed off my number and next thing you know, we were on FaceTime. It was the second FaceTime conversation that I told her I was positive. She was shocked. But then she was like, Alright, well, it’s just a part of you and you’re taking your medicine. She works in the medical field, too, so she knows a little bit about HIV, especially what it means to be undetectable. So it has never been an issue.

Daniel: I’m gonna ask this question because it happens for me sometimes—does it ever, in the back of your head, become an issue for you?

Andy: No. Simply because we do have conversations. We do talk about it a lot. She knows about PrEP and PEP. We use condoms, too, when we want to. We always know how to protect ourselves.

I’m still relatively new to advocacy. Like I said, I’ve only been doing this for seven years. I’ve always known about HIV because I’ve been taking medication since birth. My doctors and nurses taught me about it. When I tell people that I’m living with HIV and the first thing they say is, I’m sorry, I think, What are you sorry about? Because I don’t have a life of sorrow. I live a normal, happy life, you know? I got things that will make me cry—my bills, the cost of living—but HIV isn’t one of them. It’s one thing that I’ve had under control for years, or decades now.

Daniel: I don’t think I can add anything to that. I have my own mental health issues to deal with. I suffer from anxiety, the lower side of agoraphobia, and I suffer from seasonal depression. There are other things that I can get sad and depressed about. Every once in a while at midnight, which is when I take my meds, the alarm will go off to remind me and I’m like, Shit. It’s like a Cinderella moment.

Andy: I’ve heard people talk about that. And that is not to downplay anything, I’ve never felt that pill fatigue. To me, it’s just always been normal.

I tell people that HIV is a mental battle as well as physical, because a lot of people do face these challenges of realizing that they are HIV-positive—how will my family and friends think of me? What will society think of me? These challenges play in people’s heads, and I fully 100% get that because we all need to give and get support from other people who are also going through the same things.

Daniel: I’ve learned that if I want to show up to a place as just me, I have the right to that choice. I have shown up to places where I’m like, Hi, I’m Daniel G. Garza and I’m Latino and I’m gay and I’m HIV-positive…

Andy: And in Spanish, too, like in those TV commercials.

Daniel: ¡Soy Daniel! ¡Soy de VIH! Para más información… I’ve learned that there’s the personal and there’s a professional persona. Yes, the line is so blurred because I’m advocating for something that’s me. Sometimes people can’t separate the two and I need to do it for them.

Andy: Yeah. Sometimes I want to stay away from Andy Feds because sometimes I just want to talk about what’s going on in life.

Daniel: I’m very conscious of the fact that once I started using the word advocate or community leader or whatever, that that carries some responsibility. It’s like being on a ship. If it starts to sink and they know that you can save lives, you are going to be asked to help save lives.

I’m a life coach too. And I teach this to my clients—you’re not the only one on a path. There’s somebody somewhere else that is doing something similar. My timeline will not be the same as someone else’s, but we all have goals to reach. And I wholeheartedly believe that you are hitting those marks beautifully. I don’t know what your ultimate goal is, but from my standpoint I’m going, Wow, look at this dude kickin’ ass. I’m not gonna lie. I was envious for a little while. But what I’ve learned about myself, when I have that reaction towards someone, it’s because there’s a mirror in front of me. And I need to take a look at it—what is it that you’re being jealous about and what can you learn from it?

Andy: I tell people I’m just a normal person from Chicago. That’s it. I’m just sharing my story.

Daniel: You’re more than that. You are a voice, and as somebody slightly older than—shut up, I’m barely older than you, we could’ve been born twins—you’re a voice for the table that you sit at. And if we’re going to build these tables you need to have a message to go with that voice.

Andy: I look at it the same way. I got two friends, Masonia Traylor and Ci Ci Covin, who are both in a documentary on Netflix right now, with [producer] Sheryl Lee Ralph. It’s called Unexpected. It just got nominated for two Daytime Emmy Awards [best daytime special and best song]. I’m so freakin’ proud of them. And the late Hydeia Broadbent, who unfortunately passed away. We’re all doing the same work by telling our stories. Gina Brown is a prime example. Everybody knows Gina. Our stories start to make people realize that HIV and AIDS is still a thing that we still need to talk about and that we still need to prevent.

Daniel: There’s Charles Sanchez, who’s one of my good friends. He is a voice in the community. He’s a fellow actor and comedian. He produced his one-man show and talks about his life story. I always tell him, I’m so immensely proud of dropping your name in a conversation.

Is there one thing that you’ve never been asked that you wish somebody would ask you?

Andy: Oh, that’s a great question. I guess it is, How can we make your representation matter? It goes back to the beginning of our conversation. I feel like being a straight Black man living with HIV, our voices aren’t heard at all. I want us to matter to people. How about you?

Daniel: One thing that I wish somebody would ask me is, What do you want people to learn from your life? We need to be more open about sex and have conversations about sex.