Joyce Turner Keller
A minister with AIDS lays reality on the line
Interview by
Enid Vázquez
Enid Vázquez: Tell me about yourself.
Joyce Turner Keller: I am a 59-year-old HIV-positive woman living with AIDS. I contracted the disease through rape. I’m the mother of three and the grandmother of many.
I work with people from all walks of life. I don’t judge people based on race, religion, creed, color, or any gender preferences. I thought it was necessary that people know you don’t have to be gay or white, you don’t have to be using drugs, you don’t have to be a commercial sex worker, to be infected with HIV.
The other thing I wanted to bring to the public is that it doesn’t matter how you become infected. When I say, “I’m a woman living with AIDS,” the eyebrows go up, because they can’t look at me and tell. There are times when I get sympathy or empathy or people tend to change their tone once they find out how I became infected. People seem to be more accepting then and that sometimes infuriates me, because I don’t think there’s anybody in this world who says, “You know, I think I’ll get infected with HIV today.”
Whether it was consensual, whether it was assault—whatever, the same side effects, the same discrimination, the same ills, the same woes, the same concerns are there for me just as they are for the woman who may have gotten high, the young man who may have had sex with another man, or the wife who didn’t know her husband was on the down-low, or the man who didn’t know his wife was on the down-low. It’s no different, and I thought it was necessary that I come out and talk about it so that we can erase some of the stigma, dispel some of the misconceptions of how this disease is transmitted.
EV: How do you address the idea that someone could have protected themselves?
JTK: Life happens to all of us. We know that in the heat of passion, nobody is trying to get infected with HIV or another STD, or hepatitis, and definitely not trying to get pregnant. What I do is talk about sex, because that’s one of the “s” words we have to deal with, even in church. I talk about that because we equate sex to sin, and sin to shame.
But I talk about sex because it’s a normal bodily function. So I tell people we need to be protected before we go into the water. Sex is good. Sex is real good. But there’s a way to do anything. I try not to be judgmental, because sometimes we find ourselves in places dealing with things we had no idea that we were going to be dealing with. And there are times when people just become attracted to each other and we know that’s normal.
That’s the message I try to get out. I tell people we need to be more cautious and more concerned and more open when talking about sex with our young people. It would be better if we told them how good it is and that it’s normal, that it’s not a shameful thing, and if we also tell young people that abstinence is the only way not to get infected with HIV, but if you choose not to abstain, then these are your other choices. We need to teach people how to make healthier choices. Just don’t judge.
They say they deserve it because they did this, that, and the other. Sometimes I have to remind some people in my family who are older to take a step back and remember that I know when they were younger, some of the choices they made were not the best.
That’s the way it is with a lot of people. Ministers in the pulpit who frown on people living with AIDS and they’re infected as well. Ministers who have a tendency to talk about homosexuals and are very negative, and they themselves could definitely be gay or have someone in their family who is.
We don’t have to participate in the behavior of others, but I think we could be a little bit more understanding. A whole lot more understanding.
EV: I was just talking to someone who works at a clinic (see page 42) and it seems like women still don’t know they’re at risk. Do you see this?
JTK: I do see it, even in my family. It’s this trust factor. “He said that he got tested,” or “he showed me a piece of paper.” Someone shows you a piece of paper showing that they tested negative today, but what if they went out last night and had unprotected sex? Does that still mean that he’s not infected?
Or there’s just the complacency, the idea that “it can’t happen to me.” People actually believe that there’s a house on fire, but it’s not my house.
I tell them, “You may know what you’re doing, but there are 24 hours in the day. I’m not trying to get you to distrust your man, but what I am trying to do is tell you to protect yourself.” I use the phrase “passion and protection go hand in hand.”
I see a lot of women who still believe that the only way they can hold on to a man is to do what he wants, the way he wants it. And I think a lot of it goes back to self-esteem and women not valuing themselves enough.
Another issue is the fact that women believe that there aren’t enough men to go around. But there are plenty of men around. They just have to value themselves enough and let a good man find them rather than picking up whatever they can have. It’s like going to the store and just shopping from the bargain basket when there may be things on the shelf that you could afford. You may get a better quality. You may be paying a little more, but it’s worth it. [Just a few days after this interview, a woman with HIV told me she was afraid to let go of her boyfriend because she didn’t think she could find someone else, but when she released him, three other men showed up in her life trying to take his place.—EV.]
I bared my soul to the world and it’s fine, because I want young people to understand that this is a disease of opportunity. I want the middle-aged to know that they’re just as much at risk as I am. And I want older people to know—the elderly, the grandmothers in their 70s—that just because you’re having sex with a man who’s 70, 75, or 80 doesn’t mean that he’s safe.
We need to recognize this disease as a weapon of mass destruction in our community. It’s out there every day and not just on days we raise awareness. If it means my disclosing to the world who I am and what I’m living with, fine. I want people to know that this is no walk in the park. Despite how good I look, I want young people to understand … I want everyone to understand. I say young people because many young people feel invincible, and I’m pretty sure I felt that same way when I was a teenager, when I was a young adult, when I was a young mother. I felt invincible, that the world was my oyster and I could eat it whenever I chose. I think many of us have that perception of life and we don’t see the dangers that await us.
At the same time I guess my biggest message to the world is to let them know that this is not a diagnosis of death, that AIDS is something that you can live with. I wanted people to understand that just because you’re diagnosed positive does not demean who you are—if anything, AIDS has propelled me to another level.
